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Cv Personal Statement Examples Students Against Destructive Decisions

With employers taking on average 8.8 seconds to scan a CV, it’s really important that your personal statement stands out and you understand how to sell yourself effectively.

Lis McGuire, Professional CV Writer and Founder of Giraffe CVs says “Your personal statement is one of the most important elements of your application. Sitting at the top of your CV, it’s your chance to convince the reader to give your CV their time and attention.”

Some application forms, including university applications, require a more in depth personal statement, often up to two pages, and a different approach is required. For this guide we’re focusing on the personal statement on your CV.

Table of contents

Part 1: What is a personal statement?

Part 2: Writing a personal statement

Part 3: Personal statement examples

Part 4: Personal statement do’s and don’ts

What is a personal statement?

A personal statement, also known as a personal profile, summarises what you can offer an employer in relation to the job you’re applying for.

“It needs to convince your audience that you’re a good fit for the role in hand” says McGuire, Founder of Giraffe CVs.

Senior HR Business Partner at Amazon, Lucy Ventrice agrees “It’s your opportunity to sell yourself and highlight what sets you apart from others”.

The personal statement shouldn’t be confused with a supporting statement, which is similar to a cover letter.

The functional, chronological or hybrid styles of CV all require a personal statement.

Writing a personal statement can be challenging.

You have to condense your experience and skills into a few sentences.

The advice in this guide will help you produce a first class personal statement on your CV.

Writing a personal statement

Recruiters and employers like personal statements as they can easily see if you are a match in skills, experience and attitude to their job.

With over 100 applications for some vacancies this is a brilliant time saver. Recruiter will only read the rest of your CV if you’re personal statement signals you’ll add value.

You need to be able to sell yourself succinctly in your personal statement to stand out from the crowd.

Sharon Xenophontos, Senior HR Manager at Macfarlanes LLP sees it as “an opportunity to summarise your unique selling points and allow employers to quickly read ‘between the lines’ of your CV.”

Lucy Ventrice, Senior HR Business Partner at Amazon agrees “in a very competitive market you must focus on what experience, skills or attributes  you have that would benefit a future employer?”

How long should a personal statement be?

Sharon Xenophonotos, Senior HR Manager at Macfarlanes LLP recommends you “use proper sentences, a short paragraph of two to three sentences should be sufficient”.

Sally Whiteside, Head of HR for Tesco Online agrees “It should be short and sharp, representing your tone of voice to set you apart”.

Remember, the personal statement is a summary. You can expand on your successes elsewhere in your CV.

How to structure a personal statement

A personal statement should answer the question “why are you the best person for the job?” says Lucy Ventrice Senior HR Business Partner at Amazon.

She suggests “Start with a mind map. Put yourself in the middle and [write down] your experience, skills and attributes. Do the same with the future employer in the middle, what are they looking for in the job advert? Then compare the two and build from there.”

McGuire, a Professional CV Writer adds “while it may seem logical that your personal statement should be all about you, to be effective, it should be about your target employer and how you can meet their needs”.

Break this down into:

  • Number of years of experience in the field.
  • What specialist or transferable skills can you offer?
  • What areas of expertise do you have?
  • What relevant industries have you worked in?
  • What personal qualities relevant to the role can you offer?
  • Do you have any relevant qualifications or interests?
  • The answers to these questions will determine the structure of your personal statement.

Sally Whiteside, Head of HR for Tesco Online agrees “The statement should be structured around your history of achievements, linking them all together to tell a compelling story of what it would be like to work with you and what value you will add to the company.”

How to start a personal statement

While introducing yourself in a career summary format, your opening sentence needs to “hook your reader, compelling them to read the next sentence, and the next” says McGuire, Founder of Giraffe CVs.

The opening sentence of your personal statement should include:

  • Your job title.
  • Number of years’ experience.
  • A particular expertise you have.
  • Active positive words or verbs.
Example personal statement opening

Innovative Project Manager (Prince II Practitioner and Certified Scrum Master) with over 5 years’ experience managing complex IT projects for  a FTSE 100 company operating across the UK, Europe, India and South Africa.

How to end a personal statement

There are two ways to end your personal statement.

Senior HR Manager at Macfarlanes LLP, Sharon Xenophontos, finds it helpful if candidates let employers know what they are looking for. “It’s all part of the matching process” she says.

If you’re at a relatively early stage in your career state your career goal. Remember, your stated must relate to the role you’re applying for.

Example personal statement ending – entry level

My career goal is to gain responsibility for leading on a project and managing delivery successfully, actively contributing to achieving the business goals.

If you’re a bit further along in your career, state more specific goals and why you’d like to work for the employer.

Example personal statement ending –career developer

Hoping to join an innovative and dynamic company, and develop my social media and marketing skills further.

What should I include in my personal statement?

Here we’ve listed what to include in your personal statement, and what not to include.

Include in the personal statement

  • Very little! Be concise. 150 words maximum. “Lengthy blocks of text are a turn off when you have a huge stack of CVs to get through” adds McGuire.
  • Skills that are specific to the job. A good example would be ‘skilled in taking client briefs and presenting findings to stakeholders’. Avoid  generic statements such as ‘possess good communication skills’.
  • Skills that make you stand out from all the other applicants. Think about the unique value you can bring to the employer.
  • Evidence of how your skills, competencies and experiences match the requirements set out in the job description/advert. “Think of examples that help to bring what you’re saying to life” adds Ventrice.
  • Language, lingo and vocabulary comparable to that used by the employer in the job description, their website, their social media channels. Doing this will go a long way to showing that you’re a good fit for the organisation.
  • The basics of good writing; “keep it simple, no jargon, correct grammar, avoid duplication.” says Ventrice.
  • Your passions, as long as they’re relevant. For example, if you’re passionate about the environment and are applying for a job in a sustainability organisation it can help you stand out.
  • “Your immediate career objective” says Xenophontos. It helps the employer understand why you’re applying.

Don’t include in the personal statement

  • Uninteresting and uninspiring phrases. “Using clichés that could describe anyone in any role at any level is a big turn off” says McGuire.
  • Generic statements that you use for every job you apply for. Employers won’t be impressed if you don’t take the time to tailor your personal statement to their job.
  • Exaggerations or embellishments. Once you get to interview any untruths will be discovered.
  • “Lists of unsubstantiated adjectives and “buzzwords” says Xenophontos. She recommends you “concentrate on what genuinely differentiates you from other candidates”.
  • Negative language. Your personal statement needs to be a buoyant and positive introduction to you.
  • Personal information. There’s no requirement to let an employer know your marital status or how many dependants you have.
  • Disjointed statements. “You can’t rely on the fact the reader will join the dots between what you can offer and the results you can deliver for them; spell it out” recommends McGuire.

Personal statement examples

Since every personal statement is about one particular individual’s suitability for working for one particular employer, every personal statement should, in theory, be unique.

But we know getting started on a personal statement can be tough.

To help, we’ve curated some practical personal statement examples for you to base your personal statement on.

Half are for people in specific career stages / circumstances. Half are industry-specific. Use the links to jump to the one that suits you best.

Career stage / circumstance personal statements

Your current career stage or circumstance will have a major impact on both your employability, and how to present your employability in your CV.

We hope you can build upon the following sample personal statements to give your best representation of yourself in your next job application.

Industry-specific personal statements

Your skills, competencies and goals will be shaped hugely by the industry you work in. Accordingly, so will your personal statement.

We hope you’ll be able to find inspiration from one or more of the following sample personal statements as you write your own.

Unemployed personal statement

It’s important to carefully manage your unemployed status in your job application.

Our first piece of advice is to play down the fact you’re unemployed. Or, in other words, don’t write anything to highlight it.

Focus on the skills and experience you’re bringing to the role and the difference you can make.

Employers may wonder how up to date you are. You can address this head on in your personal statement by highlighting volunteering, attending training courses or reading trade journals or blogs to stay aware of industry trends.

Don’t worry too much about the gap on your CV. These days, employers are more understanding. After all, there are countless reasons why people become unemployed, for example redundancy or caring for dependants.

Unemployed: Sample CV template and guide

Unemployed personal statement example

Successful Sales Manager with over eight years’ experience in the Telecoms industry. Proven track record of success, including leading the top performing team in the region, and developing a sales training programme for all new staff. Now looking for the right opportunity to bring my skills to a dynamic IT software company in a management position.

School leaver personal statement

School leavers worry they don’t have anything to put in a personal statement.

Jon Gregory, Editor of Win that Job.com, who advises parents and teenagers to find work, has this advice:

“Employers are usually not recruiting school leavers for knowledge or experience. They want to understand why you’re interested in a particular job. If you ‘care about the environment’ or perhaps ‘love working with animals’, it’s that relevant individuality that counts.”

Gregory adds “Talk less about what you want and more about what you can give in the future. Show you are positive, proactive, determined and in it for the long haul”.

Think widely about how your hobbies or interests could be relevant. Gregory recommends that “if you have employability skills developed from other work, projects or interests, use them to demonstrate your potential.”

First job: Sample CV and guide

School leaver personal statement example

Motivated and enthusiastic student with a passion for design technology, especially woodwork. I am interested in completing a construction apprenticeship in joinery, as I have always enjoyed making things. I am good at maths and confident when taking measurements and I recently won a school award for my chair design.

Graduate personal statement

When writing your first CV after graduating, Sue Moseley, Senior Career Advisor for London University recommends that you “think of your personal statement as the headline to your CV. A good headline grabs attention because it connects with something the reader cares about. So start with what the employer cares about and work from there”.

“Change your statement for each application even if it’s just a linguistic tweak to match the employer’s voice. If the job ad asks for ‘excellent customer experience’, using those terms in your statement will increase impact” she adds.

“The vital key to impact is evidence” she goes on to say “When an employer reads your statement, how do they know it’s true? Use examples and numbers, based on things you’ve done”.

Graduate: Sample CV template and guide

Graduate personal statement example

Customer experience: As a student ambassador I welcomed a group of 30 sixth formers and their families onto campus and received positive feedback about the clear and helpful way I handled questions.

Career change personal statement

Lis McGuire, Founder of Giraffe CVs says “show how your transferrable skills can be applied to your target career and convey energy, enthusiasm, and commitment ”. She adds “don’t fall into the trap of over-explaining yourself and the reasons for your transition”.

If you’re changing careers to move into HR, for example, highlight the relevant parts of your previous career such as people management, recruitment or inductions, training, and exclude the other less relevant areas of your roles.

Career change: Sample CV template and guide

Career change personal statement example

Experienced manager with 5 years’ experience in recruiting, inducting and training staff. Recently delivered change management and restructuring programme for two departments, sensitively managing redundancies and redeployments. Passionate about employee engagement and enabling staff to contribute fully to achieve business aims. Now looking for challenging HR role in the retail sector.

Career break personal statement

“When your CV lands on a hiring manager, or recruiter’s desk, the first questions they’ll have are, ‘Why did this person take a career break?’ and, ‘can they do this job?’” says Fay Wallis, Founder of Bright Sky HR Consulting. “Your personal statement is the best place to answer these questions and explain away any concerns” says Wallis.

She warns “don’t make your career break the focus of your CV though. Instead, make your experience and relevance for the role leap out at the person reading it”.

“Follow this with a brief reason for your career break. And end the personal statement with another reason that you are right for the role” Wallis adds.

Returning to work: Sample CV template and guide

Career break personal statement example

An experienced Communications Officer, with proven media relations, copywriting and proofreading skills within the voluntary sector. Looking to return to a communications role, following a career break to travel the world to experience other cultures. Recently qualified in social media management with a strong interest in working for a sustainability organisation.

Nursing personal statement

Julie Watkins, Careers Advisor at The Royal College of Nursing suggests that  “your personal statement should include the kind of sector you have worked in, any relevant clinical fields and what you’re passionate about.” She goes on to say “this could include empowering patients to take ownership of their health and wellbeing or an interest in health promotion.”

Watkins adds “in the current fast paced environment of the NHS you must emphasise your resilience and flexibility.”

She also highlights “the need for a tailored personal statement, as it’s the one thing that will really make your CV to stand out in the health sector.”

Nursing personal statement example

Caring and efficient Nurse committed to safeguarding the medical needs and wellbeing of my patients and their families. Particularly skilled at building rapport with anxious patients and focused on providing a high standard of care that lead to improved patient recovery. Experienced in a number of specialist and complex fields including geriatrics, cardiac and maxillofacial. Excellent observational and record keeping skills to ensure continuity of care and team support. Looking to now develop experience in other clinical areas within a high performing Trust.

Midwifery personal statement

Lynne Pacanowski, Director of Midwifery at Guy’s & St Thomas’ Hospital suggests “identifying what you have learnt from working in different areas such as antenatal, community, labour ward, or from services such as midwife led or tertiary units, and use this in your personal statement.”

Include skills that will interest the Trust, for example, advising expectant mothers on diet, exercise and medications during pregnancy.

Pacaonwski recommends you “demonstrate that you understand the population of the area the Trust serves.”

She goes on to say “you can also highlight challenging situations you have been involved with, for example, difficult births, identifying when cesareans are needed, or supporting mothers with challenging home situations.”

Midwifery personal statement example

Professional, approachable and efficient Midwife committed to providing the best quality care and support for mothers and families throughout their pregnancies. Four years’ experience and a first honours midwifery degree from University of Liverpool. Extremely knowledgeable about all aspects of pregnancy including ante and postnatal nutrition, and supporting both low and high risk women in a hospital setting. Have experience in both medical and community midwifery, particularly with women from a variety of ethnic backgrounds. Recently trained in aromatherapy to support women mentally and physically during labour. Looking for a new position within a progressive Trust with a Birthing Centre.

Teaching personal statement

Jo Postlethwaite, Head Teacher of Somervale School, recommends that you get to know your target audience and says “Read everything you can about the setting. Read their vision statement. What can you say about yourself that shows you support this ethos?”

Secondly she recommends that you “Talk like a member of staff – spend a bit of time looking at the sort of language the establishment uses. Do they talk about pupils, students or children? Do they talk about ambition or aspiration? Ensure you use their words back to them.”

Additionally, it’s important to describe your teaching philosophy and enthusiasm for your subject.

Teaching personal statement example

Passionate Science Teacher striving to make a real difference to young people’s lives through engaging lessons matched to individual learning needs. Excellent behavioural management skills gained through vast experience of working in diverse academic settings. Experienced in developing lessons for a wide range of students. Now looking for a teaching role that offers more responsibility and management experience within a challenging and proactive school.

Teaching assistant personal statement

Jo Postlethwaite, Head Teacher of Somervale School, feels that “simple is best. Don’t over complicate what you write. This is your opportunity to summarise your good points. So, be succinct, but don’t forget to highlight how you work closely with teachers and parents as well as pupils.”

Postlethwaite often has 50+ applications to read through so she wants to see candidates “showing their ‘unique selling points (USP). But don’t be tempted to go for a ‘wacky’ colour or design as this can be off-putting.”

Finally, Postlethwaite recommends you “check your spelling and grammar, not just for your personal statement but your whole application. Errors in applications for teaching or support roles would end up on the ‘no’ pile.”

Teaching assistant personal statement example

A highly motivated Teaching Assistant with four years experience and a caring and supportive attitude. Through my recent studies in Early Childhood, I am up to date with developments in Early Years Care and Education, and have recent experience in Reception and Y1 classes. I have supported children with special needs and helped with behaviour management in the playground. Happy to support teachers with developing learning materials and displaying work, and am also comfortable communicating with parents and carers. Now looking to broaden my experience with Y2 and 3 children.

Accounting personal statement

Ex-Accountant turned Career Coach Diana Norris of Career Balance suggests that “you should think of your CV as the first report you will write for your new employer, and your personal statement as the executive summary. Your statement should show you can write succinctly and ensure your reader grasps the essentials of your argument.”

Norris goes on to add “anything you think an employer really needs to notice should be in your profile. If you’re fluent in another European language, and the organisation you’re applying to does business in the EU, don’t leave that information languishing at the bottom of the second page of your document.”

She also recommends that you “avoid over used phrases like “good team player”. She calls it ‘CV ‘blah blah blah’ language. Employers tend not to see it when they read a CV – their eyes slide over it.”

Accounting personal statement example

Experienced and qualified Accountant with a sound understanding of financial controls and processes. A strong commercial awareness combined with the ability to analyse and produce high quality management reports to tight deadlines. Specific experience of developing cost saving practices, budget management and forecasting within the retail and utilities sectors. Now looking to broaden experience specifically in an IT firm.

Marketing personal statement

Kate Kassis, Marketing Manager for Harrods has the following advice for would-be marketing executives: “Keep it concise and avoid unnecessary use of adjectives. Simple yet effective language skills are key to any marketing role.”

Kassis goes on to say: “Be honest. Don’t over-sell but, where possible, look to include a commercial angle. Creativity is key in Marketing but the ability to think strategically is even more important”.

When she’s recruiting, Kassis looks for something that tells her the applicant has the ability to ‘run with it’. This means working to deadlines, managing and presenting to stakeholders, delivering results and critically analysing.

Marketing personal statement example

Intuitive Marketing Executive skilled at increasing sales through diligent research and efficient resource allocation. Especially adept at managing complex projects while also developing key stakeholder relationships. Able to maximise profits whilst working within a tight marketing budget. Enjoy identifying client needs and delivering practical short and long term solutions. Now looking or a new role to develop my digital marketing skills.

Civil engineering personal statement

“A good personal statement should focus on three key themes – your postgraduate experience, including details of chartership; the range of technical skills you have developed; and how you apply these to consultancy” says Rob Delahunty, Associate Director at Webb Yates Engineers.

“You’ll really stand out to an employer”, says Delahunty, “if you can show how these themes transfer to the workplace. Highlight your ability to work within a design team with architects, contractors and other specialists; show how your specialist IT knowledge or skill for analysis was applied to project challenges; and demonstrate your experience in assessing the environmental or safety impact of a project.”

Delahunty recommends: “Include any licences, industry accreditation, security clearances and certification you have, as they establish you as a recognised professional in the industry.”

Civil engineering personal statement example

An ambitious and highly motivated Civil Engineer with strong practical and technical skills, consistently finishes commercial and residential projects under budget and on schedule. Sound knowledge of designing, testing and evaluating overall effectiveness, cost, reliability, and safety of a design. Advocates for environmentally-conscious design and cost-effective public infrastructure solutions. Currently seeking a challenging professional position within a cutting edge engineering practice.

Customer service personal statement

“Convey your enthusiasm for the role as employers are looking for staff who will represent them and their brand in a positive way. Highlight if you won any awards or suggested a change that benefited customers in some way” suggests Amanda Reuben, Experienced Fashion & Retail Brands Recruiter and Founder of Bijou Recruitment.

Reuben wants to see a number of personal qualities displayed in a Customer Service personal statement. She says, “you want your candidate to be friendly, warm and engaging whilst also remaining calm under pressure.” She also recommends that you show how you have managed customer expectations or dealt with difficult situations.

Think what you associate with the brand or company – are they fast paced and focused on efficient service, or do they like you to take time with customers. Show you understand and can support their approach.

Customer service personal statement example

A well-presented, patient and friendly Customer Service Advisor with a proven track record of building relationships by providing information on additional products and services and helping customers find the right ones to meet their needs. A genuine ‘can-do’ attitude demonstrated through a number of staff awards, and an excellent telephone manner combines to contribute to the growth of any business. Trained in effectively resolving customer complaints and now looking for a suitable position to take on more responsibility and expand retail experience.

Economics personal statement

For your personal statement to stand out, Dr Chris Sherrington, Head of Environmental Policy and Economics for Eunomia, an independent consultancy recommends you “show creativity in the way you’ve approached problems. This is important as there can be subject areas within specialist fields where outcomes can’t easily be quantified.”

He goes on to say “also show how you’ve offered relevant advice based on sound economic principles, and where you’ve successfully made the best use of the data that’s available.” This could be in a report you’ve produced or some analysis you’ve delivered.

Economics personal statement example

Proactive Economist with 5 years’ experience in both public and private sector, and specific expertise in healthcare trends. Extremely skilled in market trend analysis, financial modelling and business planning, having delivered a comprehensive management report on a proposed outsourcing opportunity. Enjoy developing productive industry and internal relationships to increase understanding of business needs and economic impact. Now looking for a role to further develop my strategic planning skills within the environmental sector.

Personal statement do’s and don’ts

  1. Do sell yourself and highlight what sets you apart from other candidates.
  2. Do make it relevant. Tailor it to the job you are applying for.
  3. Do be succinct. Max 150 words or 2-3 sentences.
  4. Do use a career summary format showing what you have to offer.
  5. Do make it engaging. It needs to be interesting to read.
  6. Do be specific. Avoid generic phrases that everyone uses.
  7. Do show some passion, as long as it’s relevant.
  8. Do make it about the employer. Show how you can do their job.
  9. Do include number of years experience, specialist skills and expertise, relevant industries and personal qualities.
  10. Do have a strong opening sentence to ‘hook’ the employer to read on.
  11. Do end your statement by letting the employer know what you are looking for.
  12. Do show you’re a good fit. Pay attention to the language used by the employer.
  13. Don’t make spelling or grammar errors.
  14. Don’t be negative about yourself or a previous employer.
  15. Don’t exaggerate or embellish what you can do. Be honest.

Example of Personal Statements

This chapter offers you some examples of both successful and not so successful essays with some commentary that should help you draft your own master piece that will make you unforgettable, desirable, and the resident your readers can’t wait to work alongside.

I have grouped these examples, drawn from the many I have read, into four categories: Grabbers: the ones, that make readers want to meet you; Same –Old-Same-Old the ones that put readers to sleep, Cohesive: the ones that connect the beginning with the ending, and Too Much God Talk: the ones that may frighten or alienate readers of faiths different from yours or may make even same–faith readers suspicious.

I. Grabbing

Example 1:

Twenty-seven years ago, shortly after bawling my way into the world at Saint Vincent Hospital in Portland Ore., the nurses nicknamed me “Moose” They said I was big (9lb., 6oz.) that I ate a ton, and even my own mother admitted I was rather homely. In spite of this bluntly honest welcome, I have been well loved and taken care of in my home and hospital and, will spend the rest of my life returning this affection.

While growing up, I spent a lot of time in hospitals. Not because I was sick but because my father who was a surgeon, would drag me down to the hospital from time to time on morning rounds. My job was to clamber over things, ask impertinent questions, and generally make a nuisance of myself in any way possible. The goal was twofold: first, to cheer up patients who either weren’t doing well or had no visitors, and second, to normalize to my little mind that sickness and health are merely two parts of one life that confer neither value nor disgrace.

These lessons were reinforced throughout my life as friends and relatives spent their last months with my family. My grandmother died of breast cancer after a protracted course of therapy. An old family friend lived with us as her body slowly gave out until, at the age 101, her will to live slipped away. My great uncle died of lung cancer. Asking for palliation only, he was gentle and brave to the last, an example to remember always.

Some years ago, my mother found that she had breast cancer.  I hurt with her; wishing I could share some of her pain.  A few years later, I found a testicular lump. Now it was my mother wishing she could share some of my discomfort. Together we discovered that while physical pain cannot be shared, there are a myriad of other ills that find solace with the support of others.  Happily, we are now both in remission.

In 2001, I began medical school but shortly thereafter took a leave of absence after discovering that-for me-chemotherapy and school were too much to stomach at the same time.  Regardless, I learned a great deal about medicine that year.  I learned how lonely a hospital bed could be despite the never-ending cacophony surrounding you.  I learned that successive waves of students, interns, residents, and physicians can still leave you feeling uncared for.  I learned that the sick role often takes less out of you than it does out of your family, particularly when your recovery appears faster than your resumption of responsibilities.

Once classes resumed, my experiences enabled me to see what we were taught through a slightly different shade of lens.  My ordeal didn’t make me any smarter; in fact, I struggled back.  It didn’t make breaking bad news any easier since I know more clearly what that really means.  It did personalize knowledge in a way that allows treatment to emphasize patient needs over disease needs.

I know that “whole-person care” is a somewhat trite yet a popular phrase these days, but it truly is where I have found myself. I am an inquisitive sort.  Beyond what, I must know why, and how, if at all possible. Not just risk factors and pathophysiology, but support systems, personalities, outlooks, hope and spirituality as well.  All are fair game and none need take as much time as we fear. Disease is a process-as is life-as we ignore the narrative of our patients’ lives, what right do we have to complain about noncompliance.

I fear death far less than the loss of my humanity and so I choose to see patients not diseases.

Particularly in medicine, I rely as much on others as on myself. “ Team Player” is a catchphrase, but it fits.  I prefer team sports with the exception of the introspection I find in fly-fishing.  I enjoy shoring up others’ weaknesses, fully realizing that they are doing the same for me.  Yet I make every effort to be ready for any situation that may arise because I don’t want to be a weak link in the chain on which a patient’s life depends.

My work principles are simple.  First, if it works, don’t mess with it unless you an indisputably improve it.  Secondly, even if you could do a better job, if someone else is willing and competent, do not interfere.  Third, if you are capable, then fulfill the job at hand.  Fourth, no job is too onerous or odorous.  Fifth, I am only human and there are times to delegate or to say no. In short, I work and play well with others, never leave early, and recognize my limitations as well as my strengths.

Where does this place me in 10 years?  In a smaller community, I hope, practicing medicine with friends and neighbors, offering whatever skills I have to help provide an ever-improving quality of care.

On the final day of my surgery rotation, I had to break the news to a lady that she had a pancreatic tumor and we recommended a pancreaticoduodenectomy.  After several minutes of discussion, I asked her if she wanted time to think or needed to go home to talk it over with her family.  She adamantly shook her head not.  “I want to get this over with now.  I trust you and Dr. K [my attending].  I’d rather have my life in your hands than anyone else’s.”

Stunned, I replied, “You do realize that saying such a thing puts more than a little bit of fear of God into my heart.”

She looked at me quizzically. Then smiled slightly saying “No. I don’t think it scares you at all.”

Though I disagree, I liked her answer.

Comments: The writer demonstrates warmth, sensitivity,  humor and genuineness.  He began writing  at least 10 months before it was due.  

Example 2:

Gripping the hatch cover for support, I braced myself for the next ocean swell that pounded the hull of our fishing vessel. My own body could relate to the sea's assault; after a long day of handling 500 steel prawn traps I could scarcely find the strength to maintain balance in the nighttime storm let alone attempt to pack the delicacies into their boxed formation. It was my fourth summer working on a commercial fishing vessel I expected rough days, but times like this made me question why suffer this pain? When physical ability and emotional capacity are pushed to the extreme, financial compensation becomes irrelevant. But I knew my purpose; three other men depended on me to work for their safety and livelihood and I had an education to fund. After a whispered prayer for perseverance, I found the strength to continue until the work was done.                                                                    

During my summers, I worked at landscaping jobs, on ocean fishing boats, and in a sawmill. These experiences enforced calmness and flexibility that I would need in stressful environments.  Opportunity to hone efficiency and perfection could be found in fast-paced, high-volume manual occupations, from finger-packing tiny prawns to shoveling massive snowdrifts, to piling unwieldy lumber. A desire to continue education outside of the classroom led me to Kansas for a diverse summer externship. I took the opportunity to strengthen the relationships I had with others by leading hockey teams, working in soup kitchens, and tutoring sessions.  In all these experiences I was drawn to ophthalmology.

As an undergraduate student I intended to pursue optometry; a desire to work in healthcare, an interest in physics and the potential to restore vision made optometry very attractive.  Soon after shadowing in the field. I realized I could provide more comprehensive care, be challenged intellectually and do more procedures by pursuing ophthalmology.

Self-motivated, I worked diligently on the jobsite, on my rotations, and in leading an ophthalmology interest group. During medical school I have enjoyed reaching out to the underserved through a mission trip to Malaysia, as well as through monthly community clinics, tutoring underprivileged teens, and annual health fairs for the neighboring San Bernardino community.  A particular high light has been leading out in a student/resident-lead clinic to provide eye care for low-income and uninsured patients. Physical fitness is another important part of my life, as it keeps the mind focused and the spirits uplifted. Meeting up with others for a game of floor hockey, swimming, snowboarding, and a workout program called P90X are some favorite pastime activities.

My leadership in community eye clinics and an ophthalmology interest group, along with involvement in ophthalmology research has helped affirm this commitment.  To the residency I will bring a strong work ethic, efficiency, and enthusiasm.  I know some rough seas are coming, and I am eager to continue full force ahead and meet the rigorous demands of residency.

Comments:  The writer shows fortitude when his emotional and physical capacity was spent;  the type of resident you want to work with when the nights are long and tiring.   He demonstrated interest in his  specialty with research, community service, and interest group activity.

Example 3:

The ice seemed to move and breathe under me as I burrowed deeper into my -32 degree sleeping bag. The thought crossed my mind that Antarctica might spring to life and swallow me whole.  I dreamed of going to this Crystal Desert since I was small, but now that I am sleeping on the final continent for me to explore, I remembered that I did not really enjoy being cold. Even the 13 layers of thermal gear cannot keep the biting wind from brushing her icy fingertips across my face.

Itwas my goal since I was 10 years old to explore every continent in the world. This night was the moment, the first landfall on the white continent; even the most biting cold could not take away the wonder that filled my soul. Nothing can top this experience I thought to myself. Little did I know that an even greater and more rewarding challenge lay ahead in medical school.

The first two years were the hardest of my life, but it was there that I met my favorite class: Pathophysiology, but the best and most adventurous year of my life happened-third year. My love for pathophysiology met its perfect fit in internal medicine. The spectacular dance and partnership between the heart and the kidney, the liver and intestines, indeed the whole body that weaves into a balance of health. I love the connectedness of the body systems. I remember being barely conscious as I drove that long road to the county hospital. It was just before dawn and I was really tired.  When I bumble into the hospital a transformation took place the moment my feet hit the pavement. Energy infused my tired body because I am genuinely excited about the day; the patients I would encounter, the things I would learn, the team that partnered together and pushed me to my full potential. The antagonists for internal medicine have said that it is mundane, but to me it is anything but ordinary. Internal medicine is marvelous and elegant, allowing people to bring their unique story while grounding treatments in evidence-based practice.

 My decision to pursue a life dedicated to Medicine has come as a surprise to some. I graduated with a degree in Communications before immersing myself in medical school. Everyone that knew me was amazed at my desire to go into a science-based field because of my flair for the Humanities. However, I am a believer in medicine as an Art, and as such, I bring strength to the human component of medicine. I communicate effectively with even the more cantankerous patients. The need for good communication is not limited to patient-physician interactions but must extend across the systems of medicine to be the most effective. I am not only a team player, but also a team builder. I am good at pointing out the strengths of my teammates and verbally affirming what is being done well.

When on my general surgery rotation, I had an Attending that was notorious for her high expectations and short fuse.  Students were terrified of being verbally gutted during rounds.  I went into a low anterior resection with her and sustained 12 hours of brutal inquisition.  After the surgery, I approached her in her office and asked to have a quick word.  With all the courage I could muster, I sat down and said, “My success is your success.  I am on your side here.” There was a breakthrough in our working relationship and I was able to learn a lot more from that point on. I go where most people do not venture.  I rise to the challenge of life with an unquenchable curiosity and vitality.  I will bring that energy to your residency.  I do not think it is possible for me to see the world without seeing Beauty.  I stand in awe of the human body and the incredible sacredness of the whole person.  Like Antarctica, residency is a challenging but inspiring journey and I will rise to the challenging but inspiring journey, and I will rise to the challenge with the same wonder and excitement that fuels who I am as a person.

Comments: You feel the adventurous spirit of this  writer with a love of her specialty blending into an exciting story that shows  her desire for diversity. Her excitement of patients is infectious.  She brings energy and fearlessness to a  program.

Example 4:

Life is the pursuit of happiness. Every conscious act performed in the history of mankind is rooted in this basic desire. Whether the act is dying as a martyr, kissing a loved one, slapping an unfaithful one, or committing suicide, in each scenario the actor hopes to obtain some satisfaction or pleasure. His actions stem from an outpouring of his will, which demands that he loves what pleases him and that he be pleased by what he loves. With this love of happiness, he is human.

There are those whose love of happiness is confined strictly to the self-they delight in their hobbies and their daily activities without considering the happiness of others. Then there are those whose love of happiness is limited to spherules around themselves. I would define a perfect love as this: that love which has encompassed all things, that seeks for the good of all, and that urges others to be like itself. My aim in life is to be constantly moving toward this ideal, becoming more aware of the people around me and expanding my sphere.

Some experiences have moved me more in this direction than others. My medical trip to China between my freshman and sophomore years in medical school was one such experience. That summer I moved from a land of plenty where everyday luxuries are taken for granted to a land where people walk barefoot across dirty farmland and children play in rivers with run-off from latrines. As I was providing healthcare to these people I was struck by their humanity: their loves, hopes, anxieties, and fears. They weren't just a collection of problems to solve and hurdles to overcome, as I was becoming accustomed to thinking in my clinic back at home. In my third year of medical school I went on a medical trip to Haiti after the earthquake in January. I helped out in every way I could, from staffing the ER to arranging transportation for volunteers and obtaining funds for Haitian workers. Again my mind was jolted awake to the humanity around me and I felt a sense of purpose urging me to devote my energy and resources toward helping their needs. I find that the more I am aware of our common human nature, the more my sphere enlarges. The effects of these experiences and others in medical school permeate my life, changing each day from monotonous repetition to an exploration of the human experience.

Family medicine, with its broad scope and ability to handle the majority of health problems, is the most appropriate vehicle to accomplish my goals. It is the side of medicine most deeply involved in the community. I look specifically to caring for the indigent and making frequent mission trips abroad. Because of my medical knowledge, management skills, and my desire to master medicine, I am confident that I will bring stability to the residency program.

I am motivated in my work by love and for the happiness of all people, not by a sense of duty.

Comments: He expresses a genuine love for life and  humanity with his experiences you feel his involvement and commitment. 

II.  Same Old Same Old: (So So)

Example 5:

One of my first clinical experiences in medical school was an afternoon of following a family physician.  Our last patient was an elderly woman with extremely dry skin.  After the doctor recommended Crisco as moisturizer, we proceeded to begin a complete exam.   As she began peeling off her layers and layers of garment like a fruit roll-up, she totally broke out of her shy and embarrassed shell which she manifested by shaking out the afore-mentioned article of clothing with gusto and vigor as the remnants of her epidermis showered the air in a cloud of dust.  This incident may have turned off many aspiring clinicians.  But as I stood there holding my breath, I realized something important.  My original desire to do Family Practice remained.  At that moment, I knew my journey would be exciting and would require determination and a positive attitude.

Family Practice has always appealed to me.  My childhood memories of visiting the doctor are pleasant even those where I received injections or stitches. I think this is because I trusted my doctor.  It was easy to admire him and I was inspired to be like him.  Over the years, my childish notions of what I wanted to be when I grew up slowly evolved into solid goals for my career.  Upon entering my third year medical school, my goal was to keep an open mind.  Doing just that, I soon found that each area of medicine I rotated through had exciting aspects.  But Family Practice stood out for its variety and versatility.

Relationships with patients and continuity are what I thrive on.  I love knowing each person’s story and evaluating them as whole persons instead of a heart murmur or a chronic cough.  Empowering patients with the knowledge of their problems, to make them a partner, is especially rewarding.  It amazes me to see a diabetic takes control of their disease with only a simple understanding of how nutrition and blood sugar affect their health.

I enjoy caring for a vast array of presenting problems.  During my neurology rotation, I evaluated a patient for headaches.  As her history unfolded, I picked up clues for depression and anxiety.  I remember feeling limited because these were not neurological issues.  I felt pressure to spend limited “specialty time” on neurology instead of straying into the psychiatric abyss.  Treating a broad spectrum of patients from psychosocial to hospice is both challenging and exciting. 

Family Practice is like the open road.  I can envision myself anywhere from small-town “Doc” in Louisville, Kentucky seeing snakebites and back strains to big city practitioner in San Diego treating HIV/AIDS and domestic violence.  I find providing medical care to the underserved populations is extremely rewarding.  While serving the Hispanic population of Southern California or the people of Zimbabwe Africa I feel a great sense of satisfaction when fulfilling their palpable needs and receiving their heartfelt appreciation.  No matter where I go, I want to serve those in need.

When I am not basking under the fluorescent lights of the wards, I enjoy catching some UV rays, with sunscreen of course, at San Luis State Beach while surfing in search of the best wave of the day with classmates and friends.   With my varied interests and love for people, I am confident that Family Practice will be the perfect fit for my career.

Comments: This piece is nicely written but says too  much about his specialty and not as much about him.  More than half of his personal statement is  about family medicine and his patient in the clinic.  I want to know more of the qualities and  depth of this person as he expressed his care of patients.

Example 6:

My personality and life experiences have led and prepared me for a career in family medicine. Being a caring and relational person, I am excited by meeting new people, relating with others, and listening to their life stories. I am also excited by travel and interacting with people of different backgrounds and cultures. Through my international travels, I have seen significant medical needs. I aspire to address these needs and make a difference in the lives of the sick, by offering my medical expertise. Seeing overwhelming medical needs and a lack of medical care in less privileged communities, I developed compassion for medically underserved people and a strong desire to become an advocate for them. I believe I will be most effective in this capacity if I am able to medically care for people of all ages and a diversity of medical conditions. Family medicine is the specialty that best encompasses the relational person that I am and my hopes as a physician.

My experiences during medical school further developed and ingrained characteristics into me that will be of great value in my medical career. Being one of the only medical authorities on a medical trip to South Africa, I was forced to complete physician responsibilities and fulfill that leadership role to the best of my ability. The majority of what I did was women's health education, breast exams, nutrition education, and medical counseling. Although challenging, I also grew from it by building leadership skills, taking initiative, and confidently making decisions. My passion for teaching and educating was confirmed.

My medical school rotations further confirmed my decision to be a family physician. Whether it was helping bring a new baby into the world, supporting a terminally ill patient at the end of his/her life, giving acute care to the trauma patient, or doing routine medical screening and prevention, I recognized by appreciation for and exhilaration from variety. During these rotations, I also realized my need and desire for patient interaction. I was dissatisfied with the lack of follow ­up and limited patient relationships in the Emergency Department. During surgery, I found myself frustrated that the majority of my time was spent in the operating room instead of interacting with the patients.

Treating the whole person is essential to my satisfaction. After completing a preceptor-ship that taught how to give whole person care in medical healing, I decided to incorporate this into how I practice medicine. Ever since, I have excelled in my ability to care for patients by addressing their spiritual and emotional needs, taking time to communicate and listen, and expressing empathy and compassion. I believe that building rapport and relationships with patients, as well as addressing their needs and concerns, is vital to practicing whole person care. I desire to be patients' advocates by hearing their goals and hopes and helping to achieve them. To me, healthy physician-patient relationships and continuity of care is vital in being medically effective and seeing positive results over time.

These are some of the many life experiences that have led me to pursue a career in family medicine. I am confident that this specialty will bring me the most enjoyment and best encompass the relational and caring person that I am, along with my aspirations to be an advocate for medically underserved people. To achieve these goals, I have high expectations for my residency program. In order to develop the clinical skills that are crucial in becoming an exceptional family physician, I must train at an institution dedicated to academic excellence and superior patient care. I am looking forward with optimism and excitement to the privilege of serving humanity as a family physician.

Comments: This student has had a great deal of  altruistic experiences but again says too much about her specialty and reasons  for not going into other specialties. The opening paragraph is mundane and  overused.  

Example 7 (only part of the statement):

Nothing would make him smile.  All that came from his mouth were one-word answers.  Who could blame him? Stage IV Glioblastoma silences even those who have lived a fulfilling life.  This was no party, but a parade that had been rained on long ago.  He was a prisoner of the state, and life as well.  This man had “hopeless” written across his face.  I came to see him daily, but always received the same pat answers.  I requested that he be put on an antidepressant, for none had been added to his daily pharmacotherapy.  Gradually, single words became statements, and statements became full sentences.  All he wanted was someone to listen, to give him lotion for his flaking skin and Vaseline for his chapped lips.  I did my best to make him comfortable, not knowing if I made any difference at all.  One day all he was doing was complaining about pain and how he felt so ignored by all, I shared with him my experience as a patient and what it was like for me to be ignored.  I wanted him to be happy, but did not know what would do it.  A nurse and I tried to joke with him; we got him to raise the corners of his mouth just a little, but that wasn’t good enough for me.  Before I left, I smiled really big, quite sarcastically, and there it came sparkling, ear to ear the biggest grin.  To my astonishment, the light of day had come to this darkened prison cell. In full affect, he thanked me and said, “you keep on doing what you’re doing, and you’ll be a wonderful doctor someday.”

Comments: Over half of this student’s personal  statement is relating a story about a patient.   Sometimes, you can describe a short incident involving a patient that  demonstrates your warmth, ability to relate, or excitement in patient care. Try  to blend but not monopolize its use.

Example 8 (only part of the statement):

Malignant Stage IV lung cancer was the diagnosis given to the patient assigned to me on my first rotation.  Through a careful explanation of the disease pathogeneses and prognosis, I began a relationship with Ms. B.  Motivated to learn every detail of the case, I began to pour myself into knowing her story.  Talking through her emotions about the disease and feelings about her care was only the beginning as I remained her confidant through multiple chest tube insertions, failed trails of steroids, and finally helping her make the life altering decision to pursue hospice.  I was challenged by the daily changes in mood from despair about her condition to anger and medical care to concern for her children.  My emotions mounted the day I said goodbye to a person I learned to care deeply about, one who changed me.  Ms. B. was more than “our 60 y/o cancer patient” she was a wife, mother, and friend who modeled to me the importance of knowing the whole person I was treating.

Comments: This is another example of leading with a  medical story and not a grabbing feature of you the fascinating person in the “personal  statement story”. The first draft was almost 1 1/2 pages long.

III.  Cohesive: Tying the  beginning and the ending together

Example 9:

I am a mixed breed.  As the daughter of a Palestinian father and a Mexican mother, I have grown up knowing the best of both cultures.   Over the years these culture traits blended easily and brought our family closer together. Traditions such as Arabic singing and dancing, piñatas, and both enchiladas and grape leave on the table have defined who I am and identified the direction to my vocation.  The relational variety of my life experiences has prepared me for a career in family medicine. 

While still deciding on a career path, my Mexican heritage encouraged me to help build houses for the homeless in Mexico.  I was shocked while there by the discrepancy I saw between the many diseases and the lack of medical care to treat the sufferers.  Wanting to change this discrepancy, I was later impelled to go on a medical trip to an impoverished village in Honduras.  On this trip my primary task was to fit eyeglasses for the visually impaired.  Although it was rewarding to restore vision to those who would otherwise remain in the dark, I noticed that across the courtyard another physician was treating and educating women about the health risks presented by living in their dangerous squalor.  I wanted to be more involved in saving lives through such preventative and personal methods; so from afar I wished to be that doctor.

A few years later, while serving with a family physician in Nicaragua, a young father of two, walked into our clinic.  At the age of twenty-two, he was the sole provider for his family, but a life-threatening case of cellulitis required immediate medical treatment.  His timid black eyes were fearful as the doctor insisted that he go to the hospital to receive an IV antibiotic. I was privileged to administer an intramuscular injection and provide care for some one so much in need.

Recently, my husband and I traveled to South Africa with a small team to provide medical care and education.  Finally, after so many medical trips of merely shadowing, I had the opportunity to function as the medical authority on this team.  As I performed breast exams, assessed abdominal pains, spider bites and infections, and taught patients in basic good nutrition and HIV prevention, I felt at last that I could make confident medical decisions about a variety of conditions.  As the Africans smilingly thanked me for the medical care I gave, I realized that this was the culmination of the dream that began so many years ago in Mexico, and fueled my desire to do even more.

All of these experiences have diversified my mixed breed even more.  Each of these increasingly more confident and various interactions has confirmed my choice to pursue a career in family medicine, because it will best encompass the relational person that I am, along with my aspirations to be an advocate for medically underserved people.  Although I have become comfortable in the midst of the dirty, unsightly, and difficult realities of medical needs, I want to be challenged to further increase my abilities to handle these needs. I am looking forward with excitement to the privilege of serving humanity as a family physician.  Everything in my expanding mix of cultures has prepared me for this challenge.

Comments: This student wrote about her experiences in  family medicine but smoothly mixed it with her heritage and travels. As a  reader you were given a good ideas of her unique personality.  Her duel cultures were nicely woven into her  story at the beginning and the end.

Example 10:

Stories give life a special flavor.  A good story can captivate the imagination, play with emotions, challenge the mind, and unite individuals of different backgrounds. Since I began reading, I have loved stories.  Books became my prized possession.  I enjoyed imagining the ways in which the world could be and observing the beauty and the variety of human emotions and personalities.  This love for stories has helped to color my intellectual background with a variety of interests.  English, Spanish literature, and Biology were my favorite subjects in high school.  I loved reading and writing but was also fascinated by the life sciences and the stories they told of how life came to be.  At Pomona College, I decided to take full advantage of liberal arts education by designing my own major in Religion and Literature as well as by pursuing a variety of science courses.  I wrote my senior thesis on Shakespeare (who to me is the master of depicting human emotion and personality) and was fortunate to pursue my research for the project in a semester abroad at Oxford University.

My education has been further enriched by my fascination with other cultures and with my passion for traveling.  Being exposed to other languages, ways, and philosophies of life has been invaluable in my desire to understand the world as well as human thought and behavior. Travel stimulates the senses, always refreshing, often tickling my fancy, occasionally repulsive and appalling, but always opening my eyes and enlightening me with appreciation and gratitude.  My extensive world travels have allowed me to further my interest and fluency in Spanish language as well as to acquire a basic command of Italian, French, and Mandarin Chinese.  Living and practicing in a culturally diverse environment requires the ability to communicate and to share stories in different languages.

Due to my passion for both English and world literature which serendipitously led me to discovering a program in critical thought at USC’s School of Cinema-Television.  Based on my fascination with visual story telling, I accepted an invitation to USC without second thought and was thrown into a six-year adventure of the unexpected.  Film theory, history, cultural studies, psychology, communications, and multimedia were not just new languages to be mastered, but also challenged ways of thinking and understanding the world.

After being immersed in a variety of media courses, I discovered my niche.  I developed an interest in youth cultures and mass media, particularly radio, television, and the Internet.  I decided to explore the ways in which these contemporary media forms represent health issues and affect health behaviors of young people in this country.  Children and adolescents are a special group of people because of the transitions of identity and of the physical, mental, and spiritual growth involved in that stage of life.  My dissertation focused on issues of addiction and self-destructive behaviors, body image and eating disorders.  I volunteered my time at various homeless shelters for teens and at the LA Free Clinic in order to better understand that particular patient population.

Physicians specializing in various areas of adolescent medicine with whom I worked on my dissertation research encouraged me to bridge my interests by pursuing medicine.  I cannot help being curious even when I am out and about, I enjoy people watching, catching bits of a conversation while passing by, and trying to figure out the stories that make people who they are. Everyone has a story and just as in literature, life has it comedies’, tragedies’, and romances’.  I have realized the importance of looking patients in the eye and of forming relationships with them as well as with those who care for them and who are close to them.  Trust reassurance, and communication cannot be taken for granted in “doctoring.”  Each individual has a story and has something to share and to teach the rest of us.  I am excited about the field of Psychiatry and the opportunity to treat the patient as a whole person and not just as a disease process or illness.  There are countless opportunities in such a dynamic field to help and to heal, to comfort and to learn, to grow and make peace.  As a physician, I hope to be a patient advocate, a teacher, a role model, and a friend.  I feel that Psychiatry is a perfect fit with my background.  It will allow me the breadth and depth to combine my varied interests and abilities.  I am excited about what the future holds and look  forward to sharing more stories as I continue to narrate my own.

Comments: The Department of Psychiatry suggests that personal  statements for students going into their discipline be longer and in a narrative  form.  After reading this PS, I would  like this person to be my psychiatrist.

Example 11:

Motionless, staring up at the face of a 15 foot Indonesian monster about to crash right on my head, fear takes a hold of me and freezes my limbs.  I take a deep breath, and close my eyes, as energy so powerful wraps around my body and rips my surfboard from underneath me. Instantly, I am flung into the depth of the ocean by such a violent and powerful force.  As I fight the urges to breathe, my leash pulls on my ankle hard, making every effort to keep me from surfacing.  I finally make it to the top, and before I could complete a deep breath of air, a bigger 20-foot wave barrels down on my head.  I end up getting washed up on the reef, luckily still in one piece, but my board is broken in half.  Feeling defeated, I walk along the beach back to my hut.

While walking back, four local village children jokingly laughed and yelled to me in Indonesian, “Hey doc, I’m hurt, fix me!”  I guess word got out that I was a medical student, and now the village was onto me.  Another day, a scared Australian surfer from camp came up to me and showed me a painful bright orange rash on his leg.  He asked me if there was a neurotoxin in his blood.  One other night, someone else complained that he’s been feeling tired, and having fevers every now and then.  I told all of them to go see the village doctor.

I visited the local clinic to meet this doctor.  I was impressed by the role as the family physician for 10,000 islanders, a place where malaria, diarrhea, tobacco use, and infant mortality is high.   I wanted to be the “practical” physician who is able to take care of people from all ages and different cultures, to deal with a wide variety of concerns, and to follow them as they change.  I planned the trip out of my own passion for adventure, and to rediscover my Indonesian roots by visiting relatives without realizing that it would also direct me towards family medicine.

Out of my passion for adventure, I took on the responsibility as President for the Wilderness Medicine Student Interest Group (WMSIG).  We had a vision to expand WMSIG in terms of the number of its members, its involvement with other schools and local businesses.  We also wanted to increase the educational experience for our members.  I am happy to say that through our efforts, our group is now around 50 members strong.  We organize various lectures with topics ranging from international medicine to wilderness first response.  We have a strong partnership with local outdoor outfitters to provide us with equipment for our various outings.  During the fall of 2008, I led a group of medical and physical therapy students on a SCUBA dive excursion on Catalina Island, and arranged for the faculty of the US Hyperbaric Chamber Facility to give us a tour and a lecture on dive medicine.

In a way, medicine was once as intimidating to me as that wave was.  But I know that through years of diligent work and the guidance of professionals who have gone before me, I will learn the intricacies and techniques to manage the waves that roll my way.  What I love about family medicine and surfing is that the learning/adventure never stops.  I do not allow defeat to get a hold of me.  I plan to face the same Indonesian monster that washed me on the reef again, but this time, I plan to slide and dance along its turquoise face, and even “slap it” occasionally.

Comments: The beginning with the surfing wave was splashed nicely into his closing.  You  feel his adventuresome spirit with his surfing, traveling to Indonesia to find  his roots, and his leadership in the Wilderness Medicine Group.  

IV. Too Much God Talk

Example 12  (Only  part of the statement):

Following Christ’s footsteps has always been the primary vision in my life.  From the time that I was a young child through my years of undergraduate education and medical school I have seen that it is my mission to follow in Christ’s footsteps, to serve the community as a medical doctor, tending to the physical, mental and spiritual welfare of my patients.  With my upbringing in a conservative Adventist home to the many lessons my parents showed through example of humility, teamwork, self-sacrifice, dedication, work ethic, and what it takes to be a good Christian, I firmly believe Christ has this purpose for me through His many blessings . . .

My heart and character are that of an Internist even though it is my blessing to desire to work with all ages.  I am a determined and principled Christian, who understands and upholds the importance of accountability and responsibility, dedicated to providing the best care for my patients.  These are but only a few important factors that I have been blessed with to be a Family Medicine practitioner.  My hope is that this residency program will allow me the opportunity to learn from it the practice of Family Medicine as I continue to follow in Christ’s footsteps.

Comments: I did not put the full piece but only the  first and last paragraph.  The student’s  second paragraph mentioned the name of Christ four times. 

Example 13 (Only part of the statement):

Ever since I was a child I’ve always wanted to be a medical doctor.  The desire to help others has always been a strong point of mine.  Being in a Christian Seventh-day Adventist home this strength was one of many that was refined and developed. I have always been conservative at heart being earnest, honest, reliable, and hard working.  My character is one that continually seeks to improve and excel, always searching for knowledge and experience.  Having a home that cultivated these many strengths was a true blessing for me, along with the many lessons my parents instilled in me in becoming a good Christian.

With much prayer I slowly started to see the new direction Christ was leading me . . .

I am a determined and principled Christian, who understands and upholds the importance of accountability and responsibility, dedicated to providing the best care for my patients.                                    

Comments: A student’s religious fervor is best kept in private and in church.  Expressing your  religious devotion can frighten some of your interviewers from a secular  institution.

Closing comments:

These examples will help spark some ideas for your  own intimate journey.  

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